The Beginning of After
by MysteriousSwaggerOfScrubs
Summary: What really happens after the camera stops rolling and before it begins? With glimpses into their texts, phone calls, and private video chats, will that be enough for Alison and Emily to keep their marriage alive?
1. Chapter 1

**Title**: The Beginning of After

**Author**: MysteriousSwaggerOfScrubs

**Pairing**: Alison DiLaurentis/Emily Fields

**Rating**: M

**Summary**: What really happens _after_ the camera stops rolling and before it _begins_? With glimpses into their texts, phone calls, and private video chats, will that be enough for Alison and Emily to keep their marriage alive?

**Disclaimer**: All television shows, books, movies, songs, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work and the characters, events, and settings thereof are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

**AN**: I first want to apologize to the followers of _Skinny Love. _Right now, I seem to have lost my motivation and inspiration for writing that story, but I'm hoping that getting the ideas for this story, written for a completely new fandom and relationship, will help recharge my _Skinny Love _writing soul. This is my first leap into the land of _Emison, Pretty Little Liars, _and_ PLL: The Perfectionists_, and I really hope that I am able to do it justice. As always, please let me know what you think. I very much appreciate all of your questions, comments, and reviews.

**AN 2: **Sending a huge thank you to _Palmettocalzona_ for her help with writing and encouraging this fic. You're the best!

* * *

_**Chapter One**_

* * *

**Present Day…**

It was late. The sun had set long ago and, with the twinkle of nighttime stars barely visible above glowing runway lights, Alison DiLaurentis pensively sat, uneasily waiting for her plane to arrive, her thoughts a million miles away, wholly lost in a tumultuous state of _what ifs. _

_What if she had turned down this unbelievable offer?_

_What if Emily eventually decided that this was too much for herself and their twins? _

_What if all these feelings of remorse and guilt never went away?_

_What if she was turning into her own parents, abandoning her children when they needed her most?_

Quickly realizing that this unexpected downtime was doing nothing more than making her already suffocating anxiety grow - the reality of her departure becoming even more difficult to bear - Alison decided to make her way toward the airport's small cafe, desperately hoping to find some form of alcohol to help assuage her quickly surmounting guilt.

Thankfully, the cafe was still open and, though there wasn't an extensive selection from which to choose, she quickly decided on a glass of Pinot Noir. And, softly thanking the bartender, Alison then brought the stemless glass to her lips, drawing a long sip of the deep, burgundy liquid and wholeheartedly welcoming its soothing impact on her quickly unraveling nerves.

But, try as she might, each sip barely helped to placate any of the restless disquietude that was relentlessly continuing to grow and, in the end, she quickly realized that absolutely no amount of alcohol on the planet was ever going to be able to rid her of the feeling that she was a failure - that she had completely forsaken the ones she loved.

As she sat with nothing to occupy her other than her racing thoughts, Alison couldn't help but think back on the day she had asked permission to marry her wife - the day she had approached Pam Fields - standing confident and proud, honestly confessing her feelings for the older woman's only child - feelings she had stupidly attempted to deny for far too long. That day, Alison had made up her mind that she was tired of running - completely exhausted of denying the fact that she needed Emily in her life - that she had been hopelessly in love with the dark-haired beauty since they were fourteen years old.

Then, her mind's eye flashed to their wedding day where, in front of all their family and friends, she wholeheartedly and lovingly had vowed to be the safe place for Emily's heart, to show her love and patience in both good times and in bad, to tenderly hold her hand as they built a life together.

But now, after nearly a year of marriage and two and a half years of time spent vehemently loving and devotedly nurturing the lives of their undeniably adorable twins, Alison was leaving it all behind.

It had been a complete surprise when a mysterious letter had arrived in the mail, offering the potential for a full scholarship to Beacon Heights University near Portland, Oregon. Alison initially had chosen to pay the mailing absolutely no mind, but after only a couple days, her curiosity had quickly gotten the better of her.

How could she not explore her options at the very least?

How could she not apply?

She and Emily lived comfortably, but who in their right mind could possibly pass up an opportunity that would help to provide so much more for their family.

For their children.

For each other.

Because, let's face it, a completely unexpected offer of a full scholarship to one of the most prestigious schools in the United States?

Unheard of.

Emily had been supportive throughout the entire application process - at times, Alison thought, a little _too_ supportive. And, when the final decision had been made - when Alison had received the correspondence stating that she would indeed be accepted to this highly esteemed school, with little to no strings attached, Alison had wept with guilt, with unease, and with shame.

How could she possibly leave her family - the wife she loved and the children she adored?

Never in her life had she felt so torn.

Alison always had wanted to go back to school after receiving her baccalaureate teaching degree. Instead, however, she had chosen to take on the insurmountable responsibility of caring for Charlotte. Then came Charlotte's death and her own marriage to a con artist husband. _That_ debacle immediately was followed by her being drugged and committed, prior to her best friends having the fateful responsibility of running down and killing _said husband_ with a car.

Then, as if all of that wasn't enough, she had found out that she was pregnant - violated in ways she never thought possible.

But, how could she possibly have gotten rid of Emily's babies. Emily was the purest soul she knew and any child belonging to her would be a joy and a pleasure to welcome into the world.

And they were.

Lily and Grace were the absolute light of her life, the proverbial apples of her eye.

Alison wholeheartedly cherished being the mother other those two little girls; she absolutely revered the life she had built alongside her wife - there was never a moment of doubt or regret for the decisions she'd made after Alex and Mary had been removed from their lives.

Continuing to sip at her wine, Alison momentarily debated retrieving her "Welcome to BHU" packet from where it currently was stored in her carry-on bag, but knowing that her mind was nowhere near settled enough to retain even the smallest inkling of information that might lie within, she instead chose to thoroughly scour over the moments she had shared with Emily and the girls in the days leading up to this night.

* * *

**Two days ago...**

With her mouth held shockingly agape in the wake of the statement she had just made, Emily quickly made her way into the living room to look out the window. And, sorrowfully watching as Alison, pushing a double stroller, disappeared down the street, Emily blew out a frustrated puff of air, wanting so badly to march right out the front door in order to follow.

But, after all these years, Emily knew that wouldn't be good - she currently was too unsettled, Alison was clearly hurt and angry - and if they talked to each other right now, it would almost certainly make matters so very much worse.

To Emily, it seemed that even after months and months of planning and preparation, the reality of Alison's impending departure unanticipatedly had just come crashing down around them, Emily's attitude toward the entire situation abruptly morphing from supportive and encouraging to accusatory and contrite.

Because, in Emily's mind, the fact remained - no matter the reason - Alison was still leaving her.

She purposely was choosing to run.

Again.

Even after everything they had worked so hard to achieve.

Alison was leaving their babies - the nearly three-year-old little girls who had inextricably changed her, turning her into the amazing mom she currently was today.

Sighing in defeat, Emily dejectedly headed toward the kitchen and, grabbing the beer she now suddenly craved, she soon found herself wholeheartedly unable to stomach it. Her heart ached, her nerves were completely frayed and, with a mirthless chuckle falling from her lips, Emily headed into the hallway, suddenly stopping to look at the many photos that graced the picture frames along the wall.

_A picture of Alison and the twins napping on the couch. _

_Alison, Pam, and the girls holding up a cake they had made for Emily's last birthday. _

_Aria, Alison, Spencer, and the twins at the Please Touch Museum in Philadelphia. _

_Emily and Alison facing each other and holding hands, loving smiles on both of their faces - Emily's most favorite shot from their wedding day. _

_Hanna and her baby, snuggled in a hotel bed with the twins, reading a book. _

_Lily and Grace in between Alison and Emily, both women laying a kiss on a cherubic cheek, each toddler with a massive grin on her face.  
_

Smiling in earnest at that last one, Emily soon felt her disappointment, anger, and frustration slowly beginning to drain. She had been trying her damnedest to remain understanding of Alison's needs - supportive of her wife's desire to finally get out of Rosewood and leave the mean girl she was in high school behind her.

But, as the days had passed, the overwhelming reality setting in, Emily couldn't help but worry that it really was something more - that Alison had grown tired of living a _normal _life with her and their twins.

Heavily sighing as she looked down at her watch, Emily noted that Alison and the girls had now been gone for twenty minutes.

That was a long enough time-out, right?

Ultimately deciding that twenty minutes simply would have to do, Emily grabbed her phone and her keys. And, gently shutting the front door behind her, she desperately hoped that she was wrong - that Alison was not deliberately choosing to run away from everything beautiful they had worked so hard together to achieve.

* * *

With Lily and Grace carefully strapped into their favorite playground swings, Alison's lips curved into a sad smile as she pushed the excitedly squealing little girls higher and higher, her racing thoughts solely focused on the angry looking, dark haired beauty she had just left, furiously stewing, in the living room of their home.

Alison really could not believe that Emily still did not trust her, her heart aching with the need for Emily to please just understand. She would never leave her family without a good reason and an even more meticulously implemented plan, and this unfathomably prodigious opportunity that had mysteriously fallen into her lap seemed to be just about the only reason that she would.

Alison had promised Emily that she would fly home once a month and during any scheduled school break; they already had planned for Emily and the girls to fly to Oregon to spend the entire winter break once the fall semester and Emily's coaching for the year was complete. Emily initially had seemed satisfied with all of this - she had 100% agreed and had even helped to facilitate their plans - but, after suffering through the venomous words Emily had just so easily spewed, Alison now knew that this was going to be so much more difficult - that it had so many more layers - than it originally had seemed.

Emily still did not trust her and, if she were honest, that hurt most of all.

Noting movement to her left, Alison quickly looked over in that direction, instantly spying the presence of her melancholy looking wife as she slowly lowered herself onto a bench. Alison couldn't help but notice how thoroughly downtrodden Emily now looked, lines of worry now present on her usually resplendent face.

So, with their joyous swinging coming to an abrupt end, Alison carefully removed the girls from their respective swings before settling them - safe and sound - in a nearby sandbox so they could continue to play. Then, cautiously heading in Emily's direction, Alison tried her best to fortify her already tattered nerves, armoring herself for the continued argument she knew was about to ensue.

"Hey," she softly said as she reached the bench, cautiously sitting down next to Emily, purposely leaving a good amount of distance between them, as if they were mere acquaintances, not lovers and lifelong friends.

"Hey," Emily softly answered back, her eyes never leaving her tangled hands as she wrung them together against her lap.

With a suffocatingly tense moment of silence passing between them, saddened brown eyes sluggishly looked upward into already glistening, bright blue before Emily earnestly began to speak. "Ali, of course you're the girls' mother. What I said - I. . .I was angry, and frustrated, and it just. . .came out wrong. I know you haven't taken this decision to leave lightly. You _absolutely_ are their mom, and I never meant to imply otherwise."

Uncomfortably shifting in her seat, Alison sighed. "I know that," she simply replied and, somehow forcing her gaze to remain firm, she dutifully looked Emily straight in the eyes. "But, you clearly don't trust me, Em. Even after all these years and everything we've been through, you still don't trust that I'm here for you - that _Alison DiLaurentis _has the ability to love and the capacity to stay."

Immediately opening her mouth to argue, Emily's voice suddenly failed her, the overwhelming silence completely confirming what Alison had just said.

Emily knew there was no sense in denying it, Alison knew her too well and, saying the only thing she could - responding with the absolute truth - Emily finally found the courage to speak. "I love you so much, Ali. _Please_ know that."

Resolutely nodding her head, Alison's lips slightly curved into a skeptical smile. "I _do_ know that, Emily. I do. But, I really need you to trust me, too."

* * *

"I'm not going."

Alison's voice didn't once falter as she vehemently spoke those words later that night. After the argument they'd had earlier and the profound realization that had come along with it, she had made up her mind, and though they were nearing the eleventh hour, she now knew exactly what she needed to do.

She absolutely could not leave with things between herself and Emily as they currently were. She was scheduled to get on a plane in less than two days, with nothing but a better future for herself and her family in her sights, but now, she simply could not do it. Losing Emily over this - or traumatizing their girls - was not worth it to her; she didn't have to go back to school right now, she could wait and do it at a later date.

Hesitantly glancing over her shoulder from where she currently stood pulling a fresh pair of pajamas from their chest of drawers, Emily visibly swallowed, her emotions an incongruent dichotomy of what she desperately wanted and what she already knew she needed to do. And, taking a brief moment to gather her thoughts, she carefully set her pajamas to the side before completely turning to face her wife.

"Come here," Emily tenderly said, anxiously waiting to see if Alison would do just that.

Taking a moment to remove the reading glasses she'd only recently begun to wear from where they currently rested atop the bridge of her nose, Alison silently watched her wife for a little while, considering her for a moment before hesitantly moving in Emily's direction, the staunch reserve she'd initially been feeling, quickly beginning to dissolve.

When Alison was only a few steps away, Emily gently reached out, deep olive palms, lovingly gracing alabaster hands with their benevolent embrace. "You need to do this, Ali. You _have _to do this," she earnestly tried to insist. "One of the most prestigious schools in the United States sought you out and is offering you a full ride."

With a skeptical huff and a characteristic roll of brilliant, cornflower eyes, Alison suddenly felt so confused and so torn; she had absolutely no idea what the right thing was to do. She was exhausted of everyone constantly repeating the obvious, when all she really wanted to hear was how they truly felt.

"I want so much for us, Em," Alison earnestly beseeched.

Gently reaching upward to brush back wayward, blonde hair that had escaped her wife's messy bun, Emily ruefully smiled as she honestly spoke. "Me, too, Ali. Me too."

* * *

**One Day Ago...**

With her bare back urgently landing against the plush duvet covering the bed she had shared with Alison for the better part of three years, a deep moan uncontrollably emanated from the back of Emily's throat as she watched a completely naked Alison straddle her prostrate form, a talented mouth immediately latching onto the sensitive flesh covering her clavicle before making its way below.

Neither woman could believe this was Alison's last night in Rosewood - their very last night sharing a bed with each other for the foreseeable future.

How had almost a year since they had begun discussing this move as an option completely escaped them? To where had ten entire months disappeared?

With Lily and Grace safely tucked into their beds, Alison and Emily were now alone, aroused, cornflower eyes quickly locking with darkened brown in a silent promise that - despite the distance - she was willing and ready to do whatever necessary to keep their marriage alive. And, with each passing kiss, nip, lick, and caress, it was blatantly obvious to Emily that Alison wanted to possess her - to remove any notion or fear that they had made the wrong decision. That, even with Alison all the way on the other side of the country for extended periods of time, their love would endure - their connection completely unfazed.

And, with the enormity of that fact taking over her senses and combining with the physical pleasure Alison was currently bestowing upon her body, Emily's tremulous hands moved from the bed to first land in shining, blonde hair before moving around to lovingly cradle a gorgeous, alabaster face.

Questioningly regarding the other woman as Emily continued to reverently hold her cheeks between her palms, Alison then passionately kissed her, their mouths lovingly engaging in a romantic tryst of needy lips and probing tongues, this intimate joining speaking volumes to the commitment they felt for one another.

"I love you so much, Emily," Alison passionately insisted as she once again gazed down at her wife. "I will _always_ be here for you. Even when I'm not physically _here, _I. . ."

Alison quickly trailed off with a slight shake of her head. And, ultimately choosing not to continue in words, but with her actions, instead, Alison was determined to properly tell Emily goodbye - to somehow prove to her that they would be okay. Alison desperately needed Emily to know that she was doing this for all the right reasons and that she truly believed that everything was going to be alright.

Glancing down her own body to amorously watch her wife's rapturous work, Emily's aroused, brown eyes again locked with provocative blue over the swell of her own breasts, her needy center forcefully contracting as she imagined that beautiful mouth applying its efforts exactly where they both knew she needed them to be.

But, that clearly wasn't going to happen just yet.

Alison was completely content with taking her time - with worshiping every last inch of caramel skin sprawled beneath her. It was very obvious to Emily that Alison was determined to prove to her she was _all in_ \- that she could trust her - no matter how uncertain their future currently seemed to be.

And, as Emily's hands luxuriated in memorizing the soft fullness of two perfectly formed breasts, Alison's eyes soon fell shut, a needy fire burning deep inside.

"Oh, God," Alison groaned, her back arching as she pressed her own hips more firmly against Emily's core.

And, as Alison came to rest upon her, one heated center lowering itself to meet another, Emily harshly bit her bottom lip; her eyes once again meeting stormy, bright blue ones as a slight smirk tugged at Alison's kiss bruised lips.

Finding herself completely helpless beneath her wife - it just seemed so natural, so personal, and almost primal to have _this_ woman so intimately connected with her - Emily's body unabashedly began to shake, her heart raucously hammering against her chest.

"Please, Ali," Emily hoarsely murmured, her eyes inevitably falling shut, her neck arching, and her head digging into the pillow when Alison began to gently rock against her. "I need you. So much."

This was the most intimate thing two lovers could do and, with her eyes lost in the vision of Alison moving above her, Emily felt their connection again being reaffirmed - making love to Alison had always felt so right.

That realization, alone, was enough to make Emily want to cry, but it also proved to be a startling realization; what she and Alison shared was the most profound and enlightening thing she had ever experienced. They were made for each other - meant to be - and, despite the distance, they could make this work.

They had to.

With hands stronger than expected, Alison quickly broke Emily from her thoughts as she suddenly spread silky, caramel thighs as far apart as they would go and, once she had full access to her wife's heated sex, Alison teased glistening folds with insistent fingers before again moving to straddle her center. Lowering herself back down onto the apex of Emily's thighs, both women's mouths fell open at the rapturous sensation of one pulsating bundle of nerves nudging against its mate.

Alison's hands then slipped between Emily's backside and the fabric of the sheets, her palms and fingertips digging into the skin of a rounded bottom to forcefully keep their needy bodies firmly locked in place.

"You feel so good, Em," Alison passionately husked, her head dropping forward and causing long, blonde hair to surround her face as she watched the seductive vision of her own center salaciously undulating against that of the beautiful woman lying beneath her.

"I love you, Ali," Emily urgently groaned, her left heel firmly digging into the mattress to force herself upward and into the blazing heat of Alison's center. "Please don't stop."

Alison couldn't have forced herself to stop even if she tried and, hopelessly continuing to grind herself into Emily, her hands soon became a vice grip at her lover's hips as she drove their bodies together harder and harder, over and over again.

With rapid and forceful thrusts, Alison pushed herself more firmly against Emily's tender flesh, her excitement growing and her heady essence flowing, further lubricating her wife's already dripping core. And, consummately reveling in the closeness of their bodies, the heat of their hips, and the slick wetness of their excitement joining together, Alison continued her steady assault, making love to Emily with a perpetually abiding rhythm, trembling caramel thighs splaying further apart to shamelessly take anything and everything Alison had to give.

The sensation was exhilarating, and Emily's mind began to race as they continued to rock against each other. She had always been amazed by how in tune their bodies worked together - even on the first night they had made love when they were still in high school. And, with sudden and intense feelings of love and dedication for the other woman completely consuming her, Emily knew - beyond a shadow of a doubt - she could not live without her wife; she had to have her, even if it was from afar.

This primal lovemaking made her realize that, no matter the circumstance, she would forever and always want to belong to Alison. She wanted to be the other woman's everything - her mind, her body, and her soul - to give her all her love and receive hers in return.

Soon, though, all coherent thought and speech quickly became impossible for either woman, cursed demands and hushed expletives straining from agape mouths to bounce off the walls of their master bedroom.

Alison's thrusts eventually became more erratic; all the muscles in her perspiration slick body tensing as she desperately tried to drive herself more forcefully against Emily's willing body, her orgasm exploding over her just seconds after Emily reached the peak of her own needy pleasure.

With both women soon convulsing with overwhelming spasms as they found what they had so desperately been seeking, ripples of sheer ecstasy flooded through their bodies, starting at their centers and spreading outward to the very tips of their fingers and toes.

An inarticulate groan fell from Alison's lips and, with that, she could no longer hold herself above her frenzied lover, her own pulsating form falling forward to rest atop Emily's smaller one. And, when the last rapturous contraction subsided, Alison attempted to roll to her side, but insistent palms gripped at an ivory back, forcing her to stay close.

"Please don't leave me," Emily huskily whispered, the dual meaning of that request not going unnoticed by either woman.

Obediently doing as her wife asked, Alison's lips tenderly moved against Emily's jaw before caressing the shell of a caramel ear and sucking its lobe into her mouth. "I'm here, Emily. I'm _right_ _here_," she gently soothed, her right hand moving into mahogany hair to carefully push it away from a sweaty face.

Emily let out a soft sigh, emotional, chocolate eyes flicking to the side to watch as Alison positioned her elbow against the mattress, the side of her own face now cradled in the palm of her hand, her legs and right arm remaining entangled with Emily's completely sated form.

Emily had been so strong the night before - valiantly insisting that Alison needed to go - to take this amazing opportunity and run with it - but as the reality of her departure again took hold, the brunette found herself overwhelmingly shaken, overwrought to her very core.

"I know I'll be away, but I'm not leaving _you_,_" _Alison vehemently insisted, blue eyes blinking to adjust to the darkness of the room. "I'm here for you, Em. I'm _right here_."

Responding with nothing more than a tight nod, a silent tear slipped down Emily's cheek, leaving a trail of moisture in its wake. "I-I. . ." She wanted to say so much, but she trailed off, quickly dropping Alison's heartfelt gaze as she swallowed hard against the lump of emotion that had gathered in her throat.

Emily didn't have to say anything.

Alison already knew.

She could tell that her wife's psyche - her mind, her body, and her soul - was now full of doubt - but, honestly speaking her truth, she said the only thing she possibly could.

"You're a part of me, Em. I want to be with you, no matter what, and I promise I'm going to do everything in my power to keep our marriage alive. We're going to make this work. Because, I need you, Emily. I can't breathe without you, Lily, and Grace, and I. . .I know there's no way in hell I'm ever going to be able to live without you."

* * *

**Two Hours Ago...**

If it were up to her, Alison would have preferred Emily drive her to the airport. She desperately wanted to spend as much time as humanly possible with her family - just one more hour, one more minute, one more second- it would never be enough.

But, Beacon Heights University had something completely different in mind - they were sending a hired car to pick her up in order to get her to the airport in time for her late-night flight. It was less than desirable - she would be teaching her first class at BHU tomorrow morning at 10am - but right now, Alison couldn't allow herself to dwell on all of that.

Since receiving the news that she would indeed be granted a full scholarship to Beacon Heights University in order to complete her master's degree, Alison desperately had tried to be present. She had forced herself to live in the moment and to cherish every last ounce of the time she had left with Emily and the twins and, right now, that is exactly what she intended to do.

Knowing that this was going to be one of the most difficult things her wife had ever done, Emily already had retreated downstairs, allowing Alison the time she needed to properly say goodbye to Lily and Grace. Alison loved her children more than she ever thought possible - she desperately yearned to be the best mother she could possibly be - and Emily's own heart ached in sympathy for the struggle and agony she knew had now befallen her visibly struggling wife.

Upstairs, in the bedroom, dimly lit by the soft glow of a small lamp, Alison comfortably sat in a plush rocking chair, her lap contentedly filled by two sleepy toddlers, both girls perfectly nestled into the crook of her lovingly arms, one on her left and the other on her right. The three had perfected _story time _a long time ago and, situated _just right_, Alison was able to lay a tender, motherly kiss atop their heads with each and every turn of the page.

"_Goodnight nobody. Goodnight mush. And goodnight to the old lady whispering "hush". . ._"

Feeling the familiar, but unwelcome burn of tears as they inevitably began to well within dejected, blue eyes, Alison slowly drew in a steadying breath before somehow managing to whisper the very last lines of her daughters' favorite book.

"_Goodnight stars. Goodnight air._ _Goodnight noises everywhere_. . ."

And, as Alison slowly closed the cover of the thoroughly loved book, she felt the first tear begin to fall.

* * *

**Present Day...**

Alison simply could not believe that she was doing this - not after she had promised Emily that she would always have a family - that she would always be there for her, no matter what.

She loved Emily with every fiber of her being. With every breath that she breathed.

And, those twins. My goodness, those beautiful babies she adored more than she ever thought possible.

But, now sitting on the Hotchkiss private jet, alone, with not a familiar face around, Alison couldn't help but recall _all_ of the promises she had made - promises that, while not completely broken, seemed dangerously close to not being upheld.

_Ali, you okay?_

With the vibration of her phone instantly breaking her from her tormented thoughts, tired, blue eyes quickly flicked downward toward the device to read her wife's words before taking her time to reply with a completely honest response.

_ It's going to be hard not seeing the girls every day. _

_You're going to BH for the right reasons. _

Even after the heartfelt conversation they had engaged in the night before and the life affirming love making they had passionately shared - later followed by their even more fervent goodbye - for reasons Alison didn't quite understand, Emily's response completed grated at her nerves. She simply could not seem to rid her mind of the fact that Emily didn't completely trust her - that the other woman didn't truly believe she wasn't just frivolously leaving it all behind.

_ Why do you have to be so convinced about it?_

_Can we please not argue?_

Suddenly feeling overwhelmingly petulant, Alison quickly typed the very first thought that popped into her head, her right, index finger dangerously hovering over the send key as she thoughtfully considered her response.

_I don't know. Can we?_

But, as tears began to well in conflicted, cerulean eyes for what seemed like the millionth time that night, Alison quickly retracted her claws, softly clearing her throat against the lump of emotion that had begun to gather there. And, quickly deleting her original message, she sadly stared down at the screen, uncertain of exactly what to say.

_Ali?_

Instantly feeling the concern emanating from Emily's simple text, Alison wisely decided to completely change the subject.

_ You'll never believe where I'm flying out of…_

_Philly?_

_ No. Guess again._

_Harrisburg?_

_ Nope. _

_Pittsburgh?_

_ Think rural. _

_No way!_

_ Yeah._

_Seriously?_

_ Yup. Dougherty's Landing. _

_Surreal. _

_ They're telling me I have to turn off my phone. Call you when I land. _

Alison momentarily hesitated, but then, deft, alabaster fingers quickly moved of their own volition, automatically typing what she definitively knew - deep down - in both her head _and_ her heart.

_ Love you. _

A thought bubble instantly popped up on Emily's side of the text conversation, leading Alison to believe that her wife was preparing to respond, but as quickly as that damn little bubble had appeared, it was gone. And, fearing the very worst - certain that this really was too much and that Emily was never going to be able trust her enough to leave the past in the past - Alison finally gave in to the incongruous cluster of emotions she had been experiencing since she'd sadly left their home, a singular tear, slowly meandering its way down her face.

And, with a heaving sigh, Alison begrudgingly readied herself to power off, her phone suddenly surprising her when it buzzed in her hand.

_I love you, too. _


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: ** The Beginning of After

**Author: **MysteriousSwaggerOfScrubs

**Pairing:** Alison DiLaurentis/Emily Fields

**Rating: **M

**Summary:** What really happens after the camera stops rolling and before it begins? With glimpses into their texts, phone calls, and private video chats, will that be enough for Alison and Emily to keep their marriage alive?

**Disclaimer: **All television shows, books, movies, songs, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work and the characters, events, and settings thereof are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

**AN: ** Okay, so. . .here's the thing. From here on out, I am going to pretend that episode 1x04 never happened and instead choose to live in my own little Emison fanfic world. I have to say that I am seriously confused by the interviews I have seen where both Sasha and Marlene report that there is no breakup. Sooo...maybe its not real? maybe the divorce papers came from some evil villain in Beacon Heights? Anyway. . .whatever is happening, let's just go with this for now and pretend like none of that ever happened.

**AN 2:** Sending a huge thank you to Palmettocalzona for her help with writing and encouraging this fic. You're the best!

**AN3: **Please let me know what you think. I look forward to seeing all of your questions, comments, and reviews!

* * *

**Chapter Two**

* * *

Holding a rocks glass firmly in her hand, Alison sheepishly stared at her own reflection in the caramel colored liquid. Before tonight, she'd never really considered herself a bourbon drinker - that age-old pastime simply was not for a young woman such as herself. No, sitting back and sipping this kind of liquor was something only old men did in dark, smoke-filled rooms, while puffing on expensive cigars and spinning outlandish tales and delusions of grandeur.

But, sitting across the sofa from Claire Hotchkiss, the older blonde somehow had convinced Alison otherwise.

And, now enjoying her second, rather heavy handed, pour of the rarest bourbon ever made - 25-year-old Pappy Van Winkle - Alison sighed as the warm, vanilla flavor of the smooth alcohol soon began to have its inevitably soothing effect.

Alison and Claire had covered many topics as they sat together drinking - from the often rainy weather of the Pacific Northwest to more sensitive topics such as how people process loss and grief.

But, no matter what Claire chose to discuss, Alison simply could not stop thinking about one thing - one _person_, rather - and, as she took another long draw from the glass in her hand, bright, technicolor images of her gorgeous wife, suddenly began to flash through her slightly inebriated mind.

God, the woman was beautiful.

Not just sometimes. . ._always_.

No matter _what_ she was doing.

No matter _when_.

No matter _where_.

And, Alison really, really needed to talk to her.

But, with Claire resolutely perched on her living room sofa, Alison knew a phone call home currently was not appropriate - the things she wanted to say and to do while on the phone with Emily were simply not meant for an audience's eyes and ears. She really needed to get some things off her chest, though, so blinking her eyes to rid her vision of the hazy fog caused by such a potent drink, Alison carefully stared down at her phone before deciding to send a few quick texts to Emily who was sound asleep and completely unaware of the tangled web in which Alison quickly was becoming entrenched.

_Em. Emily. I miss you. I misss you soooo much. Do you have any idea how much I miss you?_

Pursing her lips and inquisitively furrowing her brow, Alison silently wondered if her message conveyed to her wife exactly what she was feeling and, quickly deciding that she hadn't said enough, she typed out and sent one more.

_ANd I love you! More than words could ever describe. I. Love. You. ❤️_

Suddenly realizing that she had completely lost the attention of her newfound friend, Claire momentarily stopped speaking, easily recognizing the smitten, love-struck smile unabashedly plastered on the younger woman's face.

"What's on your mind, Alison?" Claire poignantly asked with a knowing smirk. "Or maybe I should say _who _is on your mind?"

Carefully considering exactly how to respond, Alison briefly wondered just how much of her story she should tell. She was very aware that Claire already knew some of the details of her life - she had divulged a few important specifics in her admittance essay to BHU - and, taking one last glance at the string of messages she'd just sent, she carefully deposited her phone on the cushion beside her before turning her attention back toward the older blonde.

"Just thinking about my family and how much I miss them," Alison vaguely spoke, suddenly realizing that she was very ready for her interaction with Claire Hotchkiss to come to an end. Despite the significance of her conversation with Claire, Alison's unease with the Hotchkiss family was only continuing to mount and, truth be told, she really wanted to get back to texting her wife.

"I am beyond blessed to have Emily in my life. She has always understood me, even when I didn't truly understand myself."

Nodding her understanding, Claire gently set her glass on the coffee table next to the now half-empty bottle of bourbon before choosing to earnestly reiterate the words she'd spoken earlier that night. "Your wife knew you were a survivor before you believed in yourself, Alison. You learned that lesson and now you use that to help the students here. Be yourself. Be a survivor."

And, with that, Claire cautiously rose from the sofa and, quickly gathered her purse, she left just as mysteriously as she had appeared hours before.

Suddenly alone, Alison found herself further perplexed by the events of that night, but desperately yearning for her dark-haired, olive-skinned beauty, she chose to leave the mysteries of Beacon Heights for another day before carefully making her way into her bedroom and readying herself for another night in a lonely bed.

And, as she lie awake in the darkened room, now lit only by the silvery glow of a waning crescent moon, Alison's thoughts began to wander - her mind's eye fuzzy with alcohol, but solely focused on only one thing.

_Emily_.

The more she _thought_ of Emily, the more she _wanted_ Emily, and the less she was able to control the intoxicated impulse to send another text.

_I wish we were together right now._

Send.

_I can't stop thinking about all the things I'd do to you if you were in this bed with me. _

Send.

Growing more and more turned on with each subsequent text, Alison couldn't stop thinking about how desperately she wanted her wife - _needed_ her - and how very much she wished the other woman would wake up and respond to her text, or better yet, give her a call.

Gently gnawing on her bottom lip, Alison felt momentarily satisfied with her texted proclamations, but suddenly feeling incredibly insecure, deft, ivory fingers continued to text.

_I love you so much, Emily. But...do you still love me ?_

This sudden, and unquenchable, lust for her wife - coupled with the unease she felt from Claire's impromptu visit and the harrowing events that had occurred on the campus of Beacon Heights - had Alison again beginning to wonder if she'd made the right decision in coming to BHU.

And, realizing that she desperately needed to talk to Emily - to confide in the only person she'd ever been able to truly trust - Alison sighed.

She needed to hear the voice that kept her grounded and tethered to the earth.

_Something's going on here. Someone's dead, and I think it might be my fault. _

* * *

Alison knew her phone was ringing; she could hear the incessant buzzing from somewhere near her pillow, but refusing to allow herself to be ripped from the deep haze of sleep to which she'd only just succumbed, she stubbornly rolled over, matted blonde hair haphazardly covering her face.

But, suddenly realizing that it was probably her alarm and that she needed to get up in order to ready herself for class, she aimlessly threw an uncoordinated arm in the direction of the vibrating device, tired, cerulean eyes squinting to focus on the screen.

_Emily_.

At the wee hour of 2:15am.

Why would she be calling so early in the morning? And, momentarily thinking to just let the call go to voicemail, Alison's eyes then widened as an uncertain fear set in - what if something was wrong with Emily or one of the girls?

There was never anything good about a phone call at 2:15am and, clumsily grappling with her phone, she finally managed to press _accept_.

"Em?" Alison hoarsely answered. "Wh-what's the matter? Is everything alright?"

Completely unable to control the fear that had consumed her body after being jolted from sleep by Alison's litany of texts, Emily immediately jumped to the defensive. "_Seriously, Alison? You're asking me if everything is alright?"_

Momentarily confused by the abrasiveness of Emily's response, Alison awkwardly pulled the phone from her ear, once again glancing at the time. She had only fallen asleep one hour before - the alcohol she had consumed still strongly clouding her brain. But, suddenly remembering the string of texts she had sent her wife, tired, blue eyes instantly grew wide. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to w-worry you. I. . ."

Emily couldn't help but roll her eyes in response and, quickly recognizing _something_ in the sluggish timbre of her wife's voice, she loudly huffed into the phone. "_Are you. . .drunk?"_ she incredulously asked, dark eyes wide with angered shock as she quickly sat up in her bed.

Initially unsure of how to respond, Alison softly signed, ultimately conceding to the fact that she _needed_ \- and _wanted_ \- to tell the other woman the absolute truth. She was bound and determined to prove to Emily that she could lead a trustworthy life and, refusing to lie to her now, she honestly began to speak. "Not drunk. Maybe a little. . ._tipsy_, but _definitely_ not drunk. I just. . ."

"_You what, Ali_?" Emily hastily interrupted, completely frustrated and feeling more than a little incensed. "_You decided to go out partying it up with your new college pals - footloose and fancy free while I'm here caring for the girls?!"_

"No! It wasn't like that!" Alison immediately fired back. "Claire was here when I got home. She brought some bourbon, and we talked. One thing led to another, and. . ."

"_What_?!" Emily loudly screeched, suddenly certain that the volume of her voice had most certainly just awakened not just one, but both, of their sleeping twins. "_What the hell, Ali? You've been gone for less than ten days_?" Emily angrily continued, though she purposely lowered her voice, even though she really wanted to shout at her wife at the very top of her lungs. "_You said I could trust you. You said you weren't leaving me. You. ._ ."

"Wait. _What_?" Alison finally managed to get out. "I didn't leave you, Em. I. . ."

"_You just said you had sex with another woman_!" Emily pointedly spat.

Carefully sitting up in bed, Alison slowly shook her head. "That is not what I said, and it certainly is not what I _meant_," she adamantly contended. "_Claire Hotchkiss _is the co-founder of Beacon Heights!"

"_I see you're moving up in the world."_

To say that Alison was stunned by Emily's underhanded remark was a complete understatement.

After all they had been through, did Emily still not believe that her intentions were true?

Did Emily really think so little of her?

Alison had tried so hard to change her ways - to be the perfect wife and the best mother for which any two children could ever hope - but knowing that she had somehow failed in more ways than one, she resentfully clenched her jaw.

"I think this conversation is over now, Emily."

With a heavy sigh, Emily ruefully shook her head before defeatedly throwing herself backward onto her bed. "_You know, I really needed you here tonight, Alison_," she earnestly admitted, her voice cracking with emotion.

But, Alison was thoroughly unfazed by Emily's sudden change in approach, her wife's most recent accusations wholeheartedly enraging her to her very core.

"Why, Emily?" Alison petulantly spat, completely careless of the astringent venom that currently engulfed her tone. "So you could accuse me of sleeping around? Or maybe you wanted to undermine the way I parent _your_ children to which _I_ gave birth?!"

With her mouth falling open in utter shock and unfathomable disdain in the face of such a fractious remark, Emily found herself completely unable to formulate even a single word.

How the Hell had they gotten to _this_ place?

_This_ was all her fault.

She had done _this_ to them, and she knew it.

Helplessly awaiting some sort of response, Alison sorrowfully shook her head at the harshness of her own words, as well as the ominous silence of her wife. Alison just wanted Emily to say _something_ \- _anything_ really - she needed her to tell her that she had gotten it all wrong.

But, when Emily remained completely silent - when she didn't offer even the simplest of replies - Alison quickly closed her eyes against the sting of tears she knew were about to fall before defeatedly ending their call.

* * *

An hour later, Alison restlessly lay awake in her bed, her mind and body now completely sobered after the thoroughly staggering argument in which she and Emily had just engaged. She couldn't believe the things of which she had been accused, nor could she quite fathom the things she'd so venomously spat at her wife in the heat of their unexpected feud.

Alison's heart ached to admit it, but she could profoundly feel their marriage quickly tattering into shreds - she and Emily were irrevocably spiraling out of control - and, being separated by such a distance, Alison felt with a cavernous certainty that there was no end to this current discord in sight.

How the Hell had they gotten to _this_ place?

_This_ was all her fault.

She had done _this_ to them, and she knew it.

But, she wasn't giving up.

She was determined to fix it - if only she knew how.

And, ultimately deciding that lying awake in bed - stewing over her own inadequacies and regrets - was the very least productive thing she could ever possibly do, Alison resolutely pulled herself from her bed before slipping into a pair of fuzzy slippers and an oversized sweatshirt she had taken from Emily's side of their closet when she had packed her things. Then, carefully making her way into the kitchen, she lit the burner on the stove to heat some water, hoping that a little peppermint tea might help to quiet her anxious worries and temper the growing headache that not throbbed behind her eyes and within her brain.

Waiting for the water to boil, Alison moved toward her desk and, guardedly taking a seat, she gently placed her oversized glasses on the bridge of her nose. Then, gently opening her laptop, she momentarily paused in contemplation - if she couldn't actually _talk_ to Emily without making matters worse, maybe she could _write_ her a letter or send her an email, explaining everything that was happening, as well as what was going on inside her head - preferably with a little more clarity and a lot less hostility.

And, shaking her head, Alison sighed as she allowed herself a moment to think back on the entirety of their relationship. She knew she would be lying - that she would be completely remiss - if she ever tried to convince anyone that communication had, at any time, been their strong point. She and Emily, _both_, were at fault - one no less than the other. Because, where Emily had a tendency to internalize, Alison - due to a _severe_ lack of impulse control - often found herself flying off the handle. The baseless insecurities that haunted her - the completely unfounded doubts she just couldn't quite seem to shake - often had a tendency to sneak up on her seemingly from out of nowhere, painfully unannounced and thoroughly unbidden, sometimes causing explosive outbursts of anger that were usually completely disproportionate to the situation at hand.

With the whistle of the kettle suddenly breaking her from her silent reverie, Alison deftly prepared her tea and, cautiously taking a small sip of the steaming liquid, she graciously welcomed the minty heat against her palate as she once again sat at her computer to log in to her personal email account.

_Dear Em, _

That part was easy, but as ivory fingers tensely lingered over the home row keys, Alison unfortunately found her mind blank; she wasn't quite sure where to begin. There was so very much that she needed to say and, deeply breathing in and then exhaling via pursed lips, a bit of inspiration finally struck, her fingers seemingly beginning to move on their own accord.

_Dear Em,_

_Sitting here without you, I find myself longing for your presence - desperately needing to be close to you even though it was my decision to move so far away. _

_There are so many things that I need to say to you. So many fears I want to discuss and so many thoughts I need to share. I regret nothing more than what I did earlier today - the things I said. I was wrong, so wrong, and you certainly did not deserve any of the hurt that I most certainly have caused. _

_I can't bear to see you unhappy because of me, Emily. You and the girls are my everything, and I promised myself a long time ago that I would do everything in my power to always make the three of you smile. . ._

Momentarily pausing in her heartfelt declaration, Alison thought back on her earlier exchange with her wife, something Emily had said suddenly causing Alison's heart to hammer against her chest.

"_I really needed you here tonight, Alison. . ."_

Carefully considering those words and what she had petulantly spat at her wife in their wake, Alison suddenly found herself discontentedly restless - what if something had happened to one of the girls? What if that was the reason Emily had needed her help?

Alison sincerely hoped that Emily would have let her know if something was wrong, but not completely sure, now tremulous, alabaster hands quickly abandoned the laptop's keys in order to find her phone.

And, pulling up her messaging app, the same fingers swiftly tapped out a text as Alison hoped against all hope that Emily would be available - and _willing_ \- to respond.

_I know you don't want to talk to me, but can you please just let me know that the girls are alright?_

Glancing down at the clock in the corner of her laptop screen, Alison quickly calculated the time. It was now 8:02am in Rosewood and, knowing that about twenty eleventh grade students would just now be arriving in Emily's first period _Nutrition and Wellness _class, Alison desperately hoped that Emily would see her message before beginning to teach.

And, much to her delight, Alison found herself slightly less anxious when she saw the _thought bubble_ appear on the other side of the text.

_The girls are fine - just a rough night. They miss you. _

With a strange amalgamation of sudden relief and even further heartache rapidly consuming her soul, Alison inevitably felt the sting of tears fill her thoroughly exhausted eyes. She was so happy to read that everything was _okay_, but with the reality of her beautiful girls clearly struggling with this separation promptly setting in, Alison felt the first tear begin to fall.

She and Emily knew this would be hard for everyone involved - especially the twins - and, in that moment, Alison couldn't possibly have loathed herself more. For as much as she kept telling herself that she was doing this for _them_ \- that she was _bettering_ herself so that her entire family could have a _better_ life - right now, all she wanted to do was pack her bags and hop on the first plane, train, or automobile she could find in order to get her ass home.

But, unfortunately, she couldn't do that. She had signed a contract to remain at Beacon Heights for at least one year and, with a sorrowful shake of her head, she brusquely wiped at her tearstained face.

_I miss them, too._

And, that was the truth. Alison missed Lily and Grace with every fiber of her being - with every ounce of her soul. She certainly hadn't abandoned them, but suddenly realizing that she had unintentionally allowed the events at Beacon Heights to inadvertently derail her from her parental responsibilities in Rosewood, Alison silently vowed to never let that happen again - to be more present and to help Emily with the girls as much as she possibly could from so far away.

_Can we please talk? Have a real conversation?_

Surprised by Emily's texted appeal, the faintest of smiles slightly tugged at the sides of Alison's lips. And, hoping that her wife's request would lead to the discussion they desperately needed to have, Alison made a promise that she wholeheartedly intended to keep.

_Yes. I would like that. I promise to call you tonight. _

* * *

"On the night you were born, the moon smiled with such wonder that the stars peeked in to see you and the night wind whispered, 'Life will never be the same'."

Briefly pausing in her storytelling to glance up at the exhausted little girls whose heads now comfortably rested against the crook of both of Emily's arms, Alison gently smiled as she watched the delicate flesh of each twin's eyelids briefly flutter shut before once again opening to barely focus on the image of Alison that currently was projected on the iPad screen.

It was now 8pm in Rosewood, and Alison had called - just like she said she would - just in time for the girls' second bedtime story of the night. Emily had already read their favorite _Goodnight Moon _and, making herself comfortable in the overstuffed rocking chair in the corner of the twins' room, she was more than willing to allow Alison to take it from there.

"So enchanted with you were the wind and the rain that they whispered the sound of your wonderful name. The sound of your name is a magical one. Let's say it out loud before we go on."

Alison again paused, dragging her eyes from the book to look at the girls, offering them their well-rehearsed cue.

"_Lily. . ."_

"_Grace. . ."_

The sleepy twins whispered in unison.

Smiling in response, compassionate, cerulean eyes momentarily met emotive, dark brown and, holding that gaze for only the briefest of moments, Alison then returned to her bedtime tale.

"It sailed through the farmland high on the breeze. . .Over the ocean. . .And through the trees. . .Until everyone heard it, and everyone knew, of the one and only ever you."

"Not once had there been such eyes, such a nose, such silly, wiggly, wonderful toes. In fact, I think I'll count to three, so you can wiggle your toes for me. One, two, three. . ."

Lovingly watching her girls, Alison bit her bottom lip to stifle the happy chuckle she felt bubble up from deep within at the sight of both girls now wiggling their toes.

"When the polar bears heard, they danced until dawn. From faraway places, the geese flew home. The moon stayed up until morning next day. And none of the ladybugs flew away. So, whenever you doubt just how special you are, and you wonder who loves you, how much and how far, listen for geese honking high in the sky. They're singing a song to remember you by. Or notice the bears asleep at the zoo. It's because they've been dancing all night for you. Or drift off to sleep to the sound of the wind. Listen closely. . .it's whispering your name again. . ."

_"Lily. . ."  
_

"_Grace. . ."_

At the airy sound of the little girls' whispered names, Alison pensively watched as her wife shifted in her seat and, satisfied that Emily was now sufficiently comfortable - at least for the time being - she softly cleared her throat before moving on, her voice portraying an element of both wonder and surprise. "If the moon stays up until morning one day, or a ladybug lands and decides to stay, or a little bird sits at your window a while, it's because they're all hoping to see you smile. For never before in story or rhyme, not even. . ."

"_Once upon a time._ . ." both Lily and Grace barely mumbled, sleepily repeating their favorite line from the book before they both lost their well fought battle with entering the land of nod.

Clearing her throat as a knowing grin tugged at her lips, Alison carefully turned the page, tender, cerulean eyes now solely focused on exhausted brown.

". . .had the world ever known a you, my friend, and it never will, ever again. . ."

"_Heaven blew every trumpet and played every horn._ . ." Emily then spoke from memory, seamlessly picking up from where Alison left off. ". ._ . on the wonderful. . .marvelous. . .night you were born._"

Gently closing the book, Alison again softly smiled as a huge yawn consumed her wife's face and, lovingly glancing down at the twins, she couldn't help the sudden onset of nostalgic emotions that unexpectedly consumed her.

"_They're ou_t."

As Emily's hushed voice filled the room, Alison softly hummed, her mind now imagining the intoxicating scent of her freshly bathed babies, the sensation of kissing the smooth skin of their cherubic cheeks suddenly assaulting her lips.

"That was pretty easy, tonight," Alison softly mused from where she currently leaned against the arm of the sofa in her house in Beacon Heights.

"_We had a busy evening. Dinner with my mom and then some playtime at the park_," Emily softly explained as she somehow maneuvered herself to settle first Lily and then Grace into their beds.

"Hmm. . .I'm sorry I missed it," Alison genuinely replied. She could sense the tension that still lingered between them; the apprehensive discomfort in the airwaves completely palpable even from the few words they had exchanged.

"_Alison, I._ . ."

Emily suddenly trailed off as she picked up the iPad, momentarily allowing herself to take a good look at her wife. There were absolutely no words to describe just how gorgeous Emily considered Alison to be, but, unfortunately, hidden beneath that delicate, external beauty lay a tortured soul that Emily was harrowingly worried she may never be able to reach.

"You ready to talk now?" Alison timidly asked, her heart suddenly thrumming the beat of a timpani drum inside her chest.

But, as much as she wanted to say yes - to talk to her wife just like she had asked - Emily suddenly found herself completely unable to speak. She had rehearsed this conversation more than once - over and over again - but, with those bright blue eyes she had shamelessly lost herself in, a million times before, currently staring back at her, longingly beseeching her to _please_ open up, Emily could do nothing more than shake her head.

"Em. . ."

"_I'm so sorry, Ali. I've got to go_."

* * *

With sorrowful, blue eyes skimming the words of the message on her screen, Alison softly sighed as a lone tear dripped from her cheek to land on her desk. She had been hoping to voice all of this to Emily when they talked, but after Emily's sudden change of heart, this emailed confession of honesty and faithful love would simply have to be enough.

And, with her right, index finger hesitantly hovering over her laptop's _Return_ key, Alison briefly thought to wait - to give her letter more thought and finesse - but, deciding that she now had no other choice, she quickly tapped the key in order to send.

* * *

Sitting up in her own bed with her back resting against several fluffy pillows stacked against the headboard, Emily's curious fingers anxiously fidgeted with the phone she now held in her hands. She had received the email notification from Alison an hour before and, with no idea what might lie within, she found herself nervous to open her email app. She couldn't believe she hadn't just talked with her wife when she had the chance - that she felt uncomfortable talking with Alison face-to-face.

But, deciding that she should look - that she _wanted_ and maybe even _needed_ to read whatever Alison had to say - Emily carefully settled back into the pillows, her hands slightly trembling as she opened the email, curious, brown eyes beginning to read as the dulcet tones of Alison's voice brilliantly echoed within her head. . .

_Dear Em,_

_Sitting here without you, I find myself longing for your presence - desperately needing to be close to you even though it was my decision to move so far away. _

_There are so many things that I need to say to you. So many fears I want to discuss and so many thoughts I need to share. I regret nothing more than what I did earlier today - the things I said. I was wrong, so wrong, and you certainly did not deserve any of the hurt that I most certainly have caused. _

_I can't bear to see you unhappy because of me, Emily. You and the girls are my everything, and I promised myself a long time ago that I would do everything in my power to always make the three of you smile. I promised that I would always be there for you - that you would always have a family - but I now know that I have failed at keeping those promises. _

_I failed you, and I failed our girls. I failed our marriage and my love for you, but I want to make this right. I really do. I desperately need to show you that you can depend on me - that I am capable of living a trustworthy life and that I am so very ready to be the wife you deserve. _

_Emily, please tell me that you know I would never cheat on you. _

_I know I have not made it easy for you to believe me. I certainly have not said or done the right things, but I really hope that at some point, you will at least give me the chance to explain. I'm so sorry for creating a situation that I know I should have handled better. I admit that I was wrong and can only say how sorry I am._

_I was so awful to you, today, and I am going crazy right now not knowing exactly where we stand. I know how hurt and mad you must be because, well, you refused to speak with me, even after you asked. _

_I don't blame you. I know how insufferable I can be, but if you can find it in your heart to forgive me - or at least give me a call - I really need to talk to you. There was a murder at BHU, and something here just doesn't seem right. I feel like I have descended back into the land of -A, and I need you, Em. I need you to help me through this just like you have done so many times before. _

_I know that is a lot to ask. It is not fair to you, and I know that by coming here, I have brought all of this upon myself, but please believe me when I say that I want to make this right. I have searched my soul, and there is so much I need you to know._

_Please talk to me, Em. Please let me back in._

_I love you._

_-Alison_


	3. Chapter 3

**Title: ** The Beginning of After

**Author: **MysteriousSwaggerOfScrubs

**Pairing:** Alison DiLaurentis/Emily Fields

**Rating: **M

**Summary:** What really happens after the camera stops rolling and before it begins? With glimpses into their texts, phone calls, and private video chats, will that be enough for Alison and Emily to keep their marriage alive?

**Disclaimer: **All television shows, books, movies, songs, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work and the characters, events, and settings thereof are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

**AN: ** Thank you all for your continued support of this story. I am sincerely grateful for those who have taken the time to read. As always, I look forward to seeing all your questions, comments, and reviews. They mean so much!

**AN 2: **This is Palmettocalzona: I just wanted to also chime in and say how much I appreciate everyone who has taken the time to read, follow, favorite, and comment on this story. It means so much to us to know that y'all are enjoying what we've written!

* * *

**Chapter Three**

* * *

Restlessly sitting in her car outside her mother's house, Emily dejectedly pressed her head into the padded headrest of her seat, anxious thumbs nervously thrumming against the steering wheel as she aimlessly stared at the front of the house.

Emily had been assigned detention duty after school and, as per usual since Alison's departure, Pam was now getting to enjoy some much-cherished quality time with her two precious granddaughters.

Ever since the twins were born, Pam had proven to be their rock, always emanating steadfast support and unconditional love for Emily, Alison, _and_ their girls. Long before Alison's move, the elder Fields could always be counted on to help with Lily and Grace, today being no exception.

And, Emily loved that. She wholeheartedly adored the beautiful relationship her mother had forged with her girls, but now that her day was over, she simply could not wait to gather them up to have them all for herself.

But, yet. . .here she sat, alone in her car, desperately needing to take a quiet moment alone - just a few seconds to gather her quickly unraveling nerves.

It felt as if the very foundation of her marriage was irretrievably crumbling, but she refused to let that show. Emily _could not _and absolutely _would not _allow her children to be caught in the middle. Her relationship with Alison would always be a priority - no matter its condition - but, so too, were her babies. And, right now, those babies were excitedly waiting for her to arrive.

So, valiantly plastering on her very best smile, Emily purposefully dragged her exhausted body from the car before trudging up the driveway and into the house.

"I'm here," Emily announced as she strode through the front door. And, with the intoxicating sound of her children's infectious giggles instantly greeting her ears, Emily's previously artificial smile finally reached her eyes.

And, anxiously making her way into the kitchen, a sight that instantly soothed her aching and fragile heart, beneficently met her eyes. There, Lily and Grace stood at two miniature painter's easels - each toddler wearing a small canvas apron - splashes of red, purple, blue, and green covering the paper, as well as their hands.

"Your mommy is going to love that so much, Grace," Pam tenderly cooed as she carefully considered their work. "Oh my, Lily! That's so pretty! You both are amazing artists."

As Emily continued to watch the scene unfold before her, she simply could not stop the wave of sadness that suddenly took hold, her chest beginning to tighten and her face contorting into a wistful grimace of longing for what used to be.

Ever since their explosive argument of unjust accusations and seemingly misrepresented rage, Alison and Emily hadn't really talked, though they had found a better balance of long-distance co-parenting, something they both realized was imperative for the stability of their girls. Alison happily had helped with bedtime for the past three nights and had even managed to remotely join them for breakfast for the past two days.

It was clear that Alison was trying - that she was rearranging her schedule and doing everything in her power to be more readily available for Emily and the twins - but, try as she might, Emily still had not been able to discuss their awful phone conversation or Alison's heartfelt email that had followed.

She was still struggling to find the courage to express her frustrations and her fears with her wife but, bottling all of it up was beginning to cause cracks - small, nearly imperceptible fissures - in her generally armored defense.

"Hey, Emmy. Can you give me a hand?"

With the sound of her mother's voice rescuing her from getting too lost inside her own head, Emily visibly shook herself from her silent musings as she gladly stepped up to assist her girls.

"Momma!" the duo happily greeted.

And, with her smile instantly returning full force, Emily quickly squatted down to hug Lily and Grace - unbidden, but happy tears - unexpectedly brimming within pensive, brown eyes.

God, she was a mess.

But, forcing herself to just push through - the same as she had been doing for the past two weeks - Emily dutifully helped her mom clean up the girls' arts and crafts, hanging up their artwork to dry before then serving the pair of famished two and a half year olds a snack of animal crackers and fresh fruit.

And, as Emily settled the girls to watch an episode of their favorite television show, _Super Why, _Pam knowingly grabbed two glasses and a bottle of Emily's favorite Cabernet, before gracing each glass with a more than generous pour.

"How's Alison," Pam pointedly asked, deciding to break the uncharacteristic silence which had befallen them.

There were only three people who had ever been able see right through Emily's attempts at a tough facade - one had already left this earth and one currently was on the other side of the country - but, that left Pam who was now standing three feet away, gazing back at her with a concerned - and _knowing_ \- expression.

Taking a long draw of the full-bodied liquid, Emily sighed as she watched the wine's legs settle against the sides of her glass. "I don't really know _how_ Alison _is_."

Stoically sitting as she sipped her wine, Pam remained completely silent, knowing from a vast wealth of experience that a few more moments of tense quietude would be just enough to get Emily to talk.

And, of course, she was right.

"We had an argument a few days ago," Emily carefully admitted, unsure of just how much she was willing to share. "We _both_ said some really hurtful things. I. . .I accused her of cheating on me. . ."

"You did what?" Pam vehemently interjected, suddenly unable to hold her tongue. "Emily Catherine Fields!" she further scolded with a scornful shake of her head.

Dejectedly casting her gaze downward, Emily's eyes again began to brim with tears. She suddenly felt as if she was in high school again, being blamed for stealing her mother's pills.

Immediately feeling her daughter's pain and regretting her original response, Pam's initial shock suddenly softened, a benevolent hand reaching out to grasp one quite similar to her own. "You know Alison loves you, Em. You and those babies mean more to her than anything else in this world."

With a sniffle and a sigh, Emily tightly nodded her head. "I know," she softly confirmed, the guilt she'd been feeling ever since that vile condemnation had left her lips, further mounting in the face of her mom. "But, it's hard, mom. This is all. . .it's just _too hard. _And, I'm not sure how much longer I'll be able to hang on._" _

The last part of Emily's confession came out barely above a whisper and, knowing that all she could do was offer her honest insight into the situation at hand, Pam softly sighed before earnestly beginning to speak. "I know - _first hand_ \- just how difficult being away from your spouse for extended periods of time can be," she honestly comforted, a wistful memory of Wayne entering her head. "But, what I _don't_ understand is why you're suddenly so ready to give up. You have fought for Alison since you were fourteen years old. Why are you so willing to stop now?"

Silence quickly filled the room and, when Emily didn't immediately provide a response, Pam seized the opportunity to continue speaking - there was so very much she needed to say. "Honey, marriage isn't easy," she honestly continued, dipping her head to compassionately capture her daughter's thoroughly downtrodden gaze. "It's unpredictable. It's full of highs and full of lows. And, trust me, there are going to be times - just like this one - when it seems like giving up is the best thing to do."

Brusquely wiping at her tear stained face, Emily sighed, caramel fingers nervously fidgeting with the antique wedding rings that gorgeously adorned her hand.

"But, it only _seems_ that way because it's the _easy_ thing to do," Pam adeptly continued, very much speaking from her own experiences in life and in love. "You and Alison have never had it easy, but you've both held on. You didn't give up on her when everyone thought she was dead and neither of you gave up when you found out about the girls and things were at their worst."

With Pam's insightful words immediately sinking in, Emily briefly opened her mouth to speak, but she then paused when Pam continued.

"I will support you, Emmy. No matter what," the older woman honestly supplied. "But, I need you to really think about this. Take some time to decide what's right. Because, you can't tell me you don't love her. I see the way you look at _her_ \- the way your face lights up just _thinking_ about _her_. You're as crazy about Alison now as you have always been."

* * *

Later that evening, Emily slowly made her way down the stairs from tucking in her exhausted and more than a little cranky twin girls, a tired sigh leaving her lips as she entered the kitchen. She had consumed one glass of wine while talking with her mom, but with brown eyes carefully perusing the wine rack, she ultimately decided that she needed just one more.

And, as she worked at opening the bottle, her mind inevitably wandered - for the millionth time that day - to the events of the past week, her shoulders dejectedly slumping as the sound of an angry, hurt, and confused Alison popped into her head.

Emily knew she had been unfair. Despite the events of their past, Alison had never given her any reason to believe that she would be unfaithful; the beautiful blonde had been one hundred percent_ all in_ from the moment she had admitted that she loved her and wanted them to be a family.

Emily also knew that she hadn't always been the most supportive; Alison had struggled with finding her place in the twins' life from the moment they were born, living in constant fear that she was going to do something wrong - something that Emily wouldn't approve of as their biological mom. Emily had tried to help Alison understand that DNA certainly didn't make a family - love did. But, alas, Ali's insecurities remained.

The discussion she'd had with her mom had helped - it was as though someone had lifted the veil of fog that had settled in her mind ever since Alison had left to pursue her dream. There was still plenty that Emily needed to work out on her own, but what she needed to do _first_ was talk to her wife.

She needed to apologize, and she needed to _listen_ \- to actually _hear_ what Alison had to say and to offer whatever support she possibly could for whatever it was that was happening on the campus of BHU.

But, cognizant of the fact that Alison had a staff meeting after her Comparative Literature class that afternoon, Emily knew that a phone call right now was simply out of the question.

But, maybe she could text?

And, ultimately concluding that this was up to her - that the ball was now in her court - Emily decided to tell the truth, to open the lines of communication and to speak from her heart.

_I know we need to talk. But this separation has been hard for me, Ali. So much harder than I ever thought. _

* * *

Feeling the slight vibration of her phone from where it lay discreetly hidden beneath her neatly organized notepad and agenda portfolio, Alison surreptitiously glanced around the room, noting all her colleagues to be lost amid the discussion of Colonial versus Postcolonial Literature. And, with the monotony of her meeting beginning to have a profound effect on the weight of her eyelids, she appreciatively welcomed the opportunity to momentarily escape.

No matter who was sending the text.

Gently pressing her thumb to the circular home button of her iPhone, Alison esoterically opened her messaging app, a swarm of butterflies immediately taking up residence in her belly when she saw who the incoming text was from. And, with that swarm's wings fluttering faster as she read her wife's words, Alison again looked around the room, her thumbs thoughtfully lingering over the QWERTY keys.

_I'm here whenever you're ready._

Not wanting to push, Alison purposely chose to remain vague, though her ambiguity was in no way meant as insincere.

_Thank you, Ali._

Sheepishly smiling in response, Alison felt a bit of relief flood her veins; it wasn't much, but at least they were cordially conversing without an ounce of disdain. And, thinking that Emily's response of gratitude was likely the end of this all too brief interaction, Alison carefully lifted her notepad to return her phone to its hiding place, her hand drawing up short when the device again buzzed in her hand.

_How's your meeting? Have you had a good day?_

Feeling almost giddy when she saw that this subsequent text was indeed from her wife, Alison suddenly felt nervous - as if she was in middle school again and was about to get caught passing a note.

So, conspiratorially lowering her phone beneath the desk, she then scooted back in her seat, her head now lowered as her thumbs quickly tapped against the screen to swiftly compose her response.

_My day was okay, but now I've entered the 7th circle of hell. _

* * *

Softly chuckling as she read her wife's text, Emily ruefully shook her head - that was just _such_ an _Alison _response.

_Busy?_

A new message bubble immediately appeared on the screen.

_SOOO boring. I had no idea academia would be so mundane. _

Briefly considering her response, Emily again began to type, but before she could hit _send_, an additional text from Alison suddenly appeared on her screen.

_Do you think I'm boring, Em?_

Needing no time at all to consider the answer to her wife's inquest, Emily took a quick sip of her wine before her thumbs rapidly went to work.

_You are a lot of things, Ali, but boring definitely is not one of them. ;)_

* * *

Alison literally laughed out loud at Emily's response and, guiltily glancing around the room when everything went silent, she slowly slithered down into her seat, valiantly fighting the urge to look back at her phone. But, when the temptation became too much - when she simply could not resist continuing with this newfound harmony she had suddenly found with her wife - Alison anxiously worried her bottom lip between her teeth as she covertly typed her reply.

_What do you think of me?_

* * *

Carefully considering her words, Emily didn't immediately respond, momentarily taking her time to sort out her response.

_I think you're beautiful and the strongest woman I know._

Quickly hitting send, Emily's heart instantly began to race. This felt so familiar - yet so _new_ \- and suddenly realizing that she _wanted_ and _needed _to say more, tanned fingers moved of their own volition to type out her sincerest thoughts.

_You are brilliant and loyal. You put yourself out there and take chances on people even when it's more than they deserve. _

* * *

Feeling her face burn with a sheepish blush, Alison briefly looked around, relieved to see that the meeting of the Literature Department was finally coming to an end. And, quickly gathering her things, she carelessly made a mad dash for the door, not allowing anyone to stand in the way of herself and her car.

And, once she was settled into the driver's seat, she purposefully dialed Emily's number, though she momentarily faltered before allowing herself to hit _send. _

What if Emily still didn't want to talk to her?

What if she wasn't ready just yet?

But, deciding to take the chance, Alison swiftly reopened the Phone app so that she wouldn't chicken out, anxiously clearing her throat as she deftly dialed the familiar number before bringing the phone to her ear.

"_Hello_?"

"Hey," came Alison's simple reply.

An awkward silence then hung in the air between them, neither woman certain of where they should begin.

"I hope it's not too late," Alison soon stated, lightly easing into the conversation as she curiously stared out ahead of her toward Thorne Hall.

"_No, no. It's not too late. Not at all_," Emily honestly replied, her free hand aimlessly fidgeting with the stem of her glass. "_I'm actually glad you called. I, um. . .I really need to talk to you_."

"I really need to talk to you, too," Alison softly admitted, a strange wave of relief mixed with dread filling her soul. She was surprised that Emily was willing to talk so soon, but suddenly fearing that she wasn't going to like what the other woman was about to say, she swallowed hard, desperately trying _not _to jump to conclusions. "Okay, then," she nervously uttered, thoughtfully encouraging her wife to speak. "You first."

Emily couldn't help but smile into the phone, her heart suddenly beginning to raucously slam against her chest as she carefully settled herself back against the couch. "_I. . .I just wanted to tell you. . .I'm sorry about the other night. I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions. I shouldn't have accused you. I just. . .I got scared._"

With blue eyes narrowing upon hearing Emily's heartfelt words, Alison took a moment to start her car before cautiously moving it out of park. "What are you scared of, Em?"

Hearing a familiar sigh loudly emanate through the Bluetooth speaker of her car, Alison instantly was worried that she had said too much - that she had pushed her wife further than she was willing to go. And, internally berating herself for not allowing Emily to open up to her at her own pace, Alison forced herself to remain completely silent as she drove, her soft breaths the only thing Emily could hear.

Feeling anxious in the wake of the question at hand, but ultimately deciding that the time had come for her to be open and honest with the woman on the other end of the line, Emily cleared her throat before emotionally beginning to speak. "_I'm terrified of losing you, Alison. I've lived without you before, and I don't ever want to do it again._"

Clearing her throat against the swell of emotion she felt gather in the aftermath of Emily's depressingly honest response, Alison tightly squeezed the leather of her car's steering wheel as she carefully considered just what to say. She knew how hard it had been for Emily to open up enough to truthfully confess her fears, because - _honestly - _she felt them, too. Just like Emily, Alison was utterly terrified of losing her wife - _and_ her family - because of this potentially fateful decision she had made.

"I know I haven't made the past two weeks easy. I know I have a lot to explain. . ."

"_And, I want you to, Ali. I want to hear all about Beacon Heights. But, first. . .I just need to know. Are we going to be alright?"_

Knowing that she owed it to Emily to return the heartfelt honesty that she had just so eloquently proposed, Alison momentarily remained quiet as she valiantly fortified her nerves for what she was about to say.

"I know we're struggling."

Pulled from her own silent reflection upon hearing that hushed voice, Emily suddenly wished she could see her wife - that they were having this conversation face to face - so that she could read the exact emotions that she was certain were swirling about in those emotive, cerulean eyes. And, with her mouth opening to respond, she suddenly paused when Alison continued before she had the opportunity to speak.

"And, I know this separation is hard, but I feel like it's more than that. I feel like I'm losing you, Em. I've felt it for a while," Alison honestly spoke, tears instantly beginning to sting her tired eyes. And, deciding that she needed to go on - that she needed to confess the feelings that had been plaguing her for quite some time - Alison bravely took the chance, speaking more truthfully than she had in a while. "For some reason, you have completely shut me out, and I can't help but wonder if. . .maybe I'm not enough. Maybe the girls are the only reason you've kept me around."

Impassionedly shaking her head, Emily now knew without a doubt that she absolutely _needed_ to see her wife - that _this_ was _not_ the type of conversation that should be happening over the phone. "_Ali, are you in your car?"_

Surprised by her wife's response especially due to the candor of what she had just said, Alison's brow skeptically furrowed as she navigated her car up the drive. "I just got home. Why. . ."

But, before she could further speak, the sudden ringing of her phone that still lay in her hand against her ear interrupted her question. And, glancing down at the now blaring device, she soon realized that Emily was now attempting to reach her via video chat.

Alison wasn't sure that she was quite ready for that, but knowing that she couldn't just ignore the call, she dejectedly rolled her eyes as she hit _accept_. "Hey," she hesitantly answered when she saw Emily's hauntingly gorgeous face appear on her screen.

"_I needed to see you," _Emily quickly explained with a sheepish grin. "_And, I needed to tell you that I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like you're not enough. Because, the truth is, Alison, I could never be happy without you._"

Skeptically regarding her wife, a lone tear streaked down Alison's cheek, though she was helpless to repress the rueful smile that began to tug at the corners of her lips. "All I've ever wanted is to be good enough for you. To prove to you that I can be everything you deserve."

With stirring, chocolate eyes instantly brimming with tears; Emily couldn't remember the last time she'd seen her wife look so thoroughly defeated.

She had allowed all of this to go too far.

"_You are more than enough, Ali. And, you're not losing me_," Emily emphatically whispered, desperately wishing that she could reach through the phone to tenderly hold her wife. "_I just got lost inside my head. I've been so caught up in missing you that I totally shut down_."

Taking a moment to really look at her wife, Alison could see nothing but honesty and _love _reflected at her in those fervent, chocolate depths. "I hate every moment of being away from you and the girls," Alison earnestly admitted, her voice quivering in pain.

"_I know you do_," Emily softly stated, knowing for certain that her wife's words were true. "_And, I promise to be better - to always let you in. To love you and respect you, to listen and support you when things are getting to be too much._"

Brushing wayward, blonde hair behind her own ear, Alison genuinely smiled as she tenderly addressed her wife. "I love you so much, Em. You are all I'll ever need."


End file.
